Hmmmm....
For the first time in.. I'd say a decade, I feel lost.
I'm very content with what I've been able to accomplish... but I've just realized I've changed my major 3 times and I almost did it again this week. I have 3 Associate degrees yet no Bachelors. I just accepted that I am lost. Seems so strange for me to admit. Still, life is always increasing in joy and maybe I should just go with the flow. Maybe I'm scared to go into a new stage in my life. Not quite sure what it is... Although it feels good. Makes me feel young(er). I've also started dating again. I feel like I'm ready to accept a partner in my life. So far it's been really fun, but I've been in long relationships with such wonderful people that I'm pretty sure I know exactly what I want. I've also decided to stop dating women, the main reason being I'm too scared of knocking someone up... but also, I just haven't had a relationship last more than two months with a woman, so I take it that I just am not as into them as I should be. This time around if a guy tells me he loves me while I'm doing him or if he says he feels protected with me (when really they're mistaking my "protective..ness" with a weird paranoia I have. lol) I won't automatically end the relationship. I'll just continue and accept the aura of awkwardness when the whole "love" conversation comes up. I haven't fallen in love with anyone in over two years, and I know that I will not settle just to be with someone. I do not have the NEED to be in love or have "loving" feelings inside of me. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my god. I am extremely happy pretty much every day. But I am finally allowing myself the opportunity to find some sort of weirdo that has the ability to entertain and stimulate me long time. Hahaha.
I feel like the little train that keeps chugging along. Is that what trains do? Chug?? Eh. My brain is fried. I can't wait for Spring Break! :)
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