So... I'm pretty sure I got asked out on a date in my chem class. The girl sitting next to me invited me to see her friend perform on Saturday then "maybe do something else later" Haha. She's aesthetically pleasing, very funny and smart- three things needed in order to catch my interest. Of course I said yes. She gave me her number... so I'll give her a call tomorrow to get all the info. Not sure what to expect, but anxious to see how she is in a one-on-one type situation.
I've been talking to Andrew (calc date guy) the last few days and the more I get to know him... I think I'm pretty much falling for him. Ahhhh... it bugs me because I'm not sure I'm ready for a relationship. I'm being completely open about how life and dating has been for me the last couple of months... he looked at me completely perplexed, then he made a joke (something about vagina juice), and we were all better. I love that he just sees me for me, not who I date, or my religious beliefs, or the beard I've been growing the last month. Hehe... He knows that I'm diggin him... a lot. I EVEN KISSED HIM!!! Something I didn't think I'd want to do with a guy for a very long time.... ay ay ay.... and it was pretty amazing. Its been less than a week, so... so much for taking things slow. We're planning on getting together sometime this weekend for our first "real" date. I accidentally invited him to my house to watch some movies/ play some video games... I say 'accidentally' because I realize that I have an intense attraction to him and I will end up giving in to my... attractions. Lol. If anything, I'm glad I've found a man that peaks my interests. He is literally the only guy I'm sexually attracted to right now- I've been watching a lot of lesbo porn : p
All that said, I REALLY just wanted to get 2 lab reports and about a billion sections of calc homework done. Instead I'm focusing on getting to know people... though I want to say I am NOT ready for this... Well, here it goes....
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Gym date?
Very excited for the next few hours :-)
Going on my first "calculus date"! Where I am not only sure that I will learn more calc, but will also learn more about some random guy I met who likes talking about it. He's extremely nice and arguably more innapropriate than I (which I pretty much LOVE). He promised me he's not sick anymore, so... yeah ;D
Now just on my way to the gym... brought clothes to change into so I won't be late for our "meeting". I would much rather have a gym date after calc then a calc date after working out though. It helps to know how much a guy can bench press if it's going to go further. lol' I guess we will see : D
Going on my first "calculus date"! Where I am not only sure that I will learn more calc, but will also learn more about some random guy I met who likes talking about it. He's extremely nice and arguably more innapropriate than I (which I pretty much LOVE). He promised me he's not sick anymore, so... yeah ;D
Now just on my way to the gym... brought clothes to change into so I won't be late for our "meeting". I would much rather have a gym date after calc then a calc date after working out though. It helps to know how much a guy can bench press if it's going to go further. lol' I guess we will see : D
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Female sorrows are more important
I was walking to a cafe to get coffee before my calculus exam.
As I was approaching the building, there was a middle-aged lady staring at the floor. She rubbed her eyes one time... then once more. When I got close enough it was apperant that she was crying. I stopped right in front of her and she looked up at me. As soon as I saw another tear fall down, I wanted to start crying. I realized that it would not be beneficial if I started, so I asked her, "What's wrong?". She smiled and said, "nothing sweety", as she wiped the tears that kept running down with a tissue. She had come prepared. Maybe this sorrow was something that was there to stay... a deep hurt that was not going to go away for a long time. I asked her if I could hug her. She said yes and she chuckled and her smile got a tad wider. But as soon as I put my arms around her and started caressing her back, she began sobbing. I kept reassuring her that it was ok to have all of that emotion and that I was there to help her. I held her in my arms for a minute, though it felt a lot longer. As I was holding her I thought of the things that I had gone through and how much intense pain I felt, and I knew that she had gone through something so horrible that she felt it in every part of her physical body. I felt her rebuild herself after the collapse. I looked at her and said, "You have so many positive things in your life to focus on". She stopped crying completely and gave me the most beautiful smile and responded, "You're right, I do- My kids". Before I left, I told her to remember that God loves her and her kids love her and that I too, love her. She held my hand and thanked me, and it was the most sincere gratitude. As I walked away she kept saying "Thank you... Thank you so much".
Then I thought.... if it was a man, I would have done the same... but I would have been less emotional for me. I tried to figure out why and I kept coming to the conclusion that it was the men that I let in my life. Though they may be nice, there was always lies and a need to conquer more men. I do not need more than one man in my life now, or never. Nor do I need to be wanted by more than one man. I remembered getting to know men and then seeing them post pictures of them blowing guys, with cum on their face... or repeating the same beautiful things that they said to me, to another man a week later. That's why I've been disgusted by men for a while now. I think that might be what started my hypersexuality towards women this last month. For the first time in my life... I am ashamed of my sexuality. Being that I like women, I feel like I need to tell the whole world.. and I'm ashamed. I keep thinking it's just a phase but it has not gone away in the last few months. I think this is something to discuss in another blog after I psychoanalyze myself for a while..
As I was approaching the building, there was a middle-aged lady staring at the floor. She rubbed her eyes one time... then once more. When I got close enough it was apperant that she was crying. I stopped right in front of her and she looked up at me. As soon as I saw another tear fall down, I wanted to start crying. I realized that it would not be beneficial if I started, so I asked her, "What's wrong?". She smiled and said, "nothing sweety", as she wiped the tears that kept running down with a tissue. She had come prepared. Maybe this sorrow was something that was there to stay... a deep hurt that was not going to go away for a long time. I asked her if I could hug her. She said yes and she chuckled and her smile got a tad wider. But as soon as I put my arms around her and started caressing her back, she began sobbing. I kept reassuring her that it was ok to have all of that emotion and that I was there to help her. I held her in my arms for a minute, though it felt a lot longer. As I was holding her I thought of the things that I had gone through and how much intense pain I felt, and I knew that she had gone through something so horrible that she felt it in every part of her physical body. I felt her rebuild herself after the collapse. I looked at her and said, "You have so many positive things in your life to focus on". She stopped crying completely and gave me the most beautiful smile and responded, "You're right, I do- My kids". Before I left, I told her to remember that God loves her and her kids love her and that I too, love her. She held my hand and thanked me, and it was the most sincere gratitude. As I walked away she kept saying "Thank you... Thank you so much".
Then I thought.... if it was a man, I would have done the same... but I would have been less emotional for me. I tried to figure out why and I kept coming to the conclusion that it was the men that I let in my life. Though they may be nice, there was always lies and a need to conquer more men. I do not need more than one man in my life now, or never. Nor do I need to be wanted by more than one man. I remembered getting to know men and then seeing them post pictures of them blowing guys, with cum on their face... or repeating the same beautiful things that they said to me, to another man a week later. That's why I've been disgusted by men for a while now. I think that might be what started my hypersexuality towards women this last month. For the first time in my life... I am ashamed of my sexuality. Being that I like women, I feel like I need to tell the whole world.. and I'm ashamed. I keep thinking it's just a phase but it has not gone away in the last few months. I think this is something to discuss in another blog after I psychoanalyze myself for a while..
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