Female sorrows are more important

I was walking to a cafe to get coffee before my calculus exam. 

As I was approaching the building, there was a middle-aged lady staring at the floor.  She rubbed her eyes one time... then once more.  When I got close enough it was apperant that she was crying.  I stopped right in front of her and she looked up at me.  As soon as I saw another tear fall down, I wanted to start crying.  I realized that it would not be beneficial if I started, so I asked her, "What's wrong?".  She smiled and said, "nothing sweety", as she wiped the tears that kept running down with a tissue.  She had come prepared.  Maybe this sorrow was something that was there to stay... a deep hurt that was not going to go away for a long time.  I asked her if I could hug her.  She said yes and she chuckled and her smile got a tad wider.  But as soon as I put my arms around her and started caressing her back, she began sobbing.  I kept reassuring her that it was ok to have all of that emotion and that I was there to help her.  I held her in my arms for a minute, though it felt a lot longer.  As I was holding her I thought of the things that I had gone through and how much intense pain I felt, and I knew that she had gone through something so horrible that she felt it in every part of her physical body.  I felt her rebuild herself after the collapse.  I looked at her and said, "You have so many positive things in your life to focus on".  She stopped crying completely and gave me the most beautiful smile and responded, "You're right, I do- My kids".  Before I left, I told her to remember that God loves her and her kids love her and that I too, love her.  She held my hand and thanked me, and it was the most sincere gratitude.  As I walked away she kept saying "Thank you...  Thank you so much". 

Then I thought.... if it was a man, I would have done the same... but I would have been less emotional for me.  I tried to figure out why and I kept coming to the conclusion that it was the men that I let in my life.  Though they may be nice, there was always lies and a need to conquer more men.  I do not need more than one man in my life now, or never.  Nor do I need to be wanted by more than one man.  I remembered getting to know men and then seeing them post pictures of them blowing guys, with cum on their face... or repeating the same beautiful things that they said to me, to another man a week later.  That's why I've been disgusted by men for a while now.  I think that might be what started my hypersexuality towards women this last month.  For the first time in my life... I am ashamed of my sexuality.  Being that I like women, I feel like I need to tell the whole world.. and I'm ashamed.  I keep thinking it's just a phase but it has not gone away in the last few months.  I think this is something to discuss in another blog after I psychoanalyze myself for a while..