BONERIFIC

FML!!!
So I've been talking to one of the guys I met last week (the one in my last entry).  I was at the gym and he sends me a pic message of him bent over and smiling almost menacingly saying: "So all urs.... if u want".  INSTANT HARD ON!  Not sure if anyone else has had this problem at the gym, but it is quite awkward.  I know I said I didn't want to deal with it... but we'll both be in Hollywood this weekend and his roomate is leaving for a few days the week after that.... Sooooo..... yeah.  The night before we were sexting... again.... instant boner.  I actually had to bust one out immediately after seeing him.  Then we started talking about our sexual likes and dislikes and it's quite funny, but we are sooo into the same (out of the norm) things... I don't want to say all of them because I know my best friend reads my blog... but we are both into and PRACTICE: role playing, leather, physical pain (just found this out about myself last year after whipping myself at an S&M store),  bondage (he wants me to tie him up.. which I wouldn't have any other way), and extremely rough, very long sex (which is surprisingly hard to find in a man... most men can't take it or are done right after they cum... specially after they cum once or twice...)  Ahhhhh.... so definately a match.  Also doesn't hurt that he's very into art.  Have a few idea of pictures to take when him and I meet up and he said it was ok.  Definately going to be sexual.... but I'm going to try to make it more imaginative... without being too symbolic (which is what I do most of the time).  Downside though... he asked me if we were "going to bareback?"  Ay ay ay.... that reminded me of AIDS and made me rethink the whole thing.  Then we talked about this and he assured me he's only had unprotected sex with ONE person in his life.  He is 29 years old.  I HIGHLY doubt that this is true.  So I'm thinking of going to a clinic right before, getting our 30 min hiv tests, and getting it on for a good 72 hrs :-)  I really want to get my mind off of him but I can't... he calls me every morning just to say hello. Haha...  I guess it's sweet.. And we talk throughout the day.  The more I get to know him, the better I like him.  Definately looking forward to seeing him in CA this weekend and again next week in AZ.

That Familiar Feeling

Went out dancing.  I decided to dress like a college douche to prove a point to my friend that familiarity breeds... love?  Yeah... so got a lot more attention... really, it was unwanted... but who doesn't yearn for it secretly?  A guy pointed out my team (on my shirt) was his team's rival.  So I told him that it was too bad that we've been kicking their ass.  Then I grappled him and we shared a kiss.  We talked for a little... I met his roomate/ex... then, after exchanging numbers, I told him I'd be downstairs dancing with friends.  I don't really want a relationship so I left.  A few minutes later, he's downstairs... we start dancing.  I already have a hard-on just looking at him, it did not help we were grinding our erections together.  He whispered sweet nothings in my ear... actually they were quite sexy aggresive somethings, so that just got me going even more.  Then his ex places himself between us and tells him, "Why don't you just go home with him already?"  I immediately leave the situation to dance with friends.  An hour later, we meet again.  We start dancing... LITERALLY 15 seconds into it his ex does this again and starts talking to me and tells me, "just take him home and fuck him! I don't want him anymore, I don't give a fuck"  SHIT!  THIS IS WHY I AM SLIGHTLY HOMOPHOBIC.  Gay people are crazy and insecure.  There are definately unique layers and types of insanity I've encountered, but this was too much.  I tell the guy that I don't just pick people up to fuck every time I dance. (Though I wanted to fuck the shit out of him in the club)  Then I shoo him away, and tell him that nobody deserves to live with people like him in their lives.  Nicholas and I had a long conversation that night then this morning.  He wanted to meet up that night and then the morning after at Tempe Town Lake... I told him some other day because I had a lot to do.  Really, I just don't want to deal with all of it.  Though I'll probably be weak and give into him... he has the most beautiful ass and lower back muscles... we really can't keep our hands off each other. Thank God I'm going to San Diego this weekend.  Maybe I can get my mind off of things.  Sucks we clicked so much though...

I'm a hot babe out jogging...

Haha... So I almost got into a car accident while checking out my neighbors.  I blame them!  It's kind of hard to concentrate when the man must not wear ANY underwear at all (his manhood bouncing up and down and side to side) and his wife is always wearing the shortest, tightest fitting clothes I have ever seen anyone wear to run.  Well, I waved at them and smiled like always, but I also kept looking at them from my dash mirror and I ended up curbing it, almost running into a street lamp, and screeching my tires. I'm sure they noticed.  Ahhh... we do yard-work (most) early Sunday's at the same time.  I can't wait to talk to them again.  It's probably an unhealthy attraction... but if they're dtf, then so am I.  Right now I can only dream.....

Sunday Night Football

There's nothing like saying FUCK IT to responsibility and instead go to a bar and getting shit-faced. 
Now if Smith could stop sucking at life and learn how to q.b. maybe my blood pressure would stop skyrocketing between the hours of 5 and 9pm :)

The Great Gig in the Sky

Just got home from my last class.  Earlier in the day I woke up with 15 min until the start of my first class.  I jumped up, looked at how cloudy and beautiful the world was... then decided to miss my first class.  I lie there sometimes and just look at different parts of my body and my mind goes through this idiotic existential experience bullshit, where I am just completely amused at the fact that my skin holds my body and my body is in this room and this room is only there because I think it is... and neurotransmitters... and all of these thoughts are expressed in the English language... this continues.......  to this world my existence really means nothing, but I want to be everything to Earth.. though I'm already a part of it, even though it may not want to accept this, nor do I sometimes...

Then it's time for my next class,
I have wasted two hours staring -in awe- at the different parts of my body (that I can look at without a mirror).  I go to my music room and start up my mac.  Work on 3 songs that came out of nowhere the day before... then I get frustrated that I can't get it to sound like it does in my head, I'm not terribly good at guitar, and I don't have a full orchestra for one song, so I decide to do vocals for Pink Floyd's "The Great Gig in the Sky"... I get the track without the vocals, and then it begins-

I sing.
I SCREAM! (because that's pretty much the entire song)
I cry.  This is expected... the feelings invoked are pretty intense.

*For those of you not familiar to the song: you're missing out on life!*
-Here's the song in its entirety-

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I listen to the 5 cuts I managed to record.  Haha... yeahhhh... not as great as I expected.

Before I started back up again, someone rang my doorbell.  I open it, and they ask me if everything's ok.  I start laughing, feeling quite embarrased.  I explain the situation to them and (thank Baby Jesus) they were familiar with the song.  I knew they weren't just telling me this because they did not call the cops after they left.  I decide to try one more time.  I'll keep doing it another day until it sounds decent at least.

Now it's later in the day and I can not miss my Calculus class.  I finally get what we're doing, without question, and I want to keep it that way. 

Now to get GABS!!! "What are gabs?"  Well, it's pretty simple.  It is "Gay ABS".  The most intense abs a man can get.
Here's the difference:

ABS.......                                                                          GABS!!!!

         

Going to take the advice of my ex... who has had gabs for the two years I've known him, and going to work out my abs for one hour EVERY DAY until I'm where I want to be.  Every exercise article/journal I've read says not to do this... but my ex is living proof that it works.  I'm already seeing great results........................

JUST HAVE TO KEEP AT IT!

I'm sure I will though... I've never wanted something so bad. Hahahahaha.... ayyyy.