Yoga Sundays

So I've been working out every day (I count yoga Sundays) for the last two months and I have gabs (almost).  With a crazy looking body I've found, expectedly, that I would feel the need to show off.  This however has put a damper on my "don't fuck every pretty thing you see- thon" and I have had my self control tested... to its limits.  Glad to say I'm not a whore yet.  I just realize I need to find a hot redhead to start a relationship with... or a hispanic person.... either would do it for me right now.  I'm going to try and focus on my music right now... that, and my French.  Maybe I'll go to France for a while after I graduate... yup.  Gotta go!

Lost Season

Hmmmm....
For the first time in.. I'd say a decade, I feel lost.
I'm very content with what I've been able to accomplish... but I've just realized I've changed my major 3 times and I almost did it again this week.  I have 3 Associate degrees yet no Bachelors. I just accepted that I am lost.  Seems so strange for me to admit.  Still, life is always increasing in joy and maybe I should just go with the flow.  Maybe I'm scared to go into a new stage in my life.  Not quite sure what it is... Although it feels good.  Makes me feel young(er).  I've also started dating again.  I feel like I'm ready to accept a partner in my life.  So far it's been really fun, but I've been in long relationships with such wonderful people that I'm pretty sure I know exactly what I want.  I've also decided to stop dating women, the main reason being I'm too scared of knocking someone up... but also, I just haven't had a relationship last more than two months with a woman, so I take it that I just am not as into them as I should be.  This time around if a guy tells me he loves me while I'm doing him or if he says he feels protected with me (when really they're mistaking my "protective..ness" with a weird paranoia I have. lol) I won't automatically end the relationship.  I'll just continue and accept the aura of awkwardness when the whole "love" conversation comes up.  I haven't fallen in love with anyone in over two years, and I know that I will not settle just to be with someone.  I do not have the NEED to be in love or have "loving" feelings inside of me.  I love my family.  I love my friends.  I love my god.  I am extremely happy pretty much every day.  But I am finally allowing myself the opportunity to find some sort of weirdo that has the ability to entertain and stimulate me long time. Hahaha.
I feel like the little train that keeps chugging along. Is that what trains do? Chug?? Eh. My brain is fried.  I can't wait for Spring Break!  :)

Perfection < Fucked Up

So I watched a movie with a gay friend yesterday.  Wilmer Valderrama was in it.  Something about him immediately turned me on.  I thought about it for a moment and realized it was that his physical features were not really even.  His scruff was a bit more sparse on one side of his cheek than the other; his hair, like it had not been taken care for a while.... Then I remembered being with an ex, him lying on my chest, and me being completely in awe how beautiful the dandruff on his hair was.  His skin died and shed, and he didn't give a fuck, and neither did I.  In fact, it advanced my loving feeling towards him.  I kissed the top of his head.  He was human, and he was mine.  Back to my point... I always found Mario Lopez to be too put together and plastic, and well, unattractive.  Wilmer Valderrama on the other hand, he seems like the kind of guy (based on his appearance in this movie) that would not take 15 min primping and pruning after we put our clothes on to get out of the gym (like all of the guys I work out with do).  He'd be ready, when I'm ready.  I'd find him hot as fuck and would not be annoyed at his idea of being an attractive man.  The ideals that most men hold on beauty, for better or worse, I do not.  Now... to find someone with that same want in a man, that actually has goals in his life.........hmmmmm......

The Grocery Store

(Maybe just Sprouts)... is the best place to meet people.  Going on a date with a guy who made the most retarded joke about shiitake mushrooms while we both bagged some. Hehe... good thing he's good looking.  The least I'll get out of it is an aesthetically pleasing person to disfigure in a portrait :-)

I wish I was crumbs

Finals here I come!  Almost done with this semester!!!  I can't believe I've managed to avoid starting a relationship with someone this time around.  I figure if I could go another year and a half, I'll be set... and ready... to start pursuing that.  Until then, I have avoided that road.  All I have to do is pretend to be upset when someone tries to sweet talk me.  Of course, I have met a lot of interesting people, some of whom may be that person in the future.  Really there are only two who have accepted my highly volatile, abdicable, yearning for that "one person" that the world tells us all: "must exist"; and the respite: a halt I have put on this mystical odyssey (which I assume will end in France).  Instead of all of what comes with that search, I am extremely happy at keeping at the Renaissance+man-path and really getting into my music and writing.  Of course finishing up school is right around the corner which also brings me great joy... but after that there will always be... more school :P

What I'm trying to say, is:  I should probably stop writing my thoughts and finish my lab reports and study for finals :)

Bro... Brah?

So I've started talking ridiculously at the gym with my gym partner.  It's actually quite funny when I cheer him on and ALWAYS refer to him as 'bro' (brah).  Then I say something ridiculous to one of my girlfriends I went to the gym with this weekend like: "If I'm getting a boner, does that make me gay brah?" Hahaha.... ahhhh.... good times.  When I was waiting for a bicep curl machine, I eventually lost my patience with the guy that had been on it for ten minutes, 90% of which was him just sitting there toggling through his ipod, and I asked him if I could work in with him (something I really do not like doing).  He said, "sure bro".  Then said, "is that weight good bro?" .... I answered him with similar 'bro' sentences.  I found it quite amusing how we acted like we knew each other. Also, I decided I love talking that way in the gym.  Normally it annoys the f**k out of me when guys call me 'bro'... a TOTAL turn off.  It's actually as annoying as white guys who call you 'papi' (soooo gross) and guys who say "I love you" as you're doing them... ugh.  I love the comrodery I feel with guys... and all because of that word.  The gym is the ONLY place I want to hear it though... it actually makes me laugh sometimes when I use it.  Maybe I'll find a gym partner who lives closer to me soon.  That's my main goal right now...

Awwww

So I was talking to my sister about how a man should be treated... all people, really.  When she went back to her house with my younger sister they started talking about what I had said.... my elder sister came to the conclusion that she was wrong to be so volatile with her husband.  My younger sister of course told me this when she was getting ready to go back to her dorm.  She told me that she's thought about her life and she realized that I had been her main father figure- teaching her wrong from right, how to be civil yet hold steady to your beliefs... she said other things along those lines, but I don't remember.  I thought it was quite funny that she would come to this conclusion because I had always felt like her father.  I remember when our family lived together that my mother and/or my sister would come to me when in a dilemna and see what I thought of it, and then one would say something along the lines of, "SEE!  Fabio says it's ok." OR "Oh, well, Fabio says it's not right, so sorry Mom".  Then when she lived with me for a few months and it was just her and I, I had to ground her a few times... it was quite weird, and she cried, but she respected it.  She later thanked me for always steering her in the right direction... it was very sweet.  It made me feel like I had already done something good in life.... though I have A TON of things I want to accomplish.  Too many, maybe.